(Dec. ‘22 revision)
I like the old tale of a wife who placed on her kitchen wall a plaque with the familiar words: “Prayer changes things.” The next day, she noticed her husband had removed the sign.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” she asked him. “I thought you believed in prayer?”
“Sure, I believe in prayer.” He replied. “It’s change I don’t like.”
Her husband was onto something. Change is hard. We usually resist it. Major life adjustments, even the ones we choose, demand energy and courage and often bring grief.
Getting married. Adding a child to the family. Starting a new job. Re-locating to a new town. As joyous and satisfying as these transitions can be, they usually create significant stress. And helping to drive that stress can lie grief.
Early in 2021, Kay and I refashioned our retirement and moved from Inman in the Upstate to the Midlands of South Carolina. As logical and exciting as our move is, I admit it’s difficult and makes me sad.
Of our own volition, an advantage, we laid a plan to move to Camden, SC. We happily spent the first four years of retirement in Inman. Inman is
· Within sight of the Blue Ridge
· A short distance from dozens of Revolutionary War sites
· Close to my alma mater, Furman
· On the outskirts of a wonderful city, Spartanburg
· Near to an exciting church, Central United Methodist
· Where I was establishing significant relationships
· In short, a wonderful place for retirement.
I cherished the house and yard. Thanks to 2022’s “hot” real estate market, we sold it with little more than the help of our attorney friend Lex Hray, who is the father of our son-in-law Peyton.
The week of Christmas, we left our temporary quarters in Sumter and moved to Camden.
It’s great. This retirement re-do means we now live close to:
· Our daughter Jane and her family in Sumter
· My brother Jimmy and his wife, Shirley, who also live in Sumter
· Paul III and his wife and newborn child who live in Camden (Want a delightful story of something good coming from the pandemic? Their move to Camden fits the bill.)
· My brother Bob and his wife Pamela who live in Blythewood.
· And my mother Ruby Wood Kelly, who resides in assisted living in Camden with her husband John.
Again, despite all the advantages of living in Camden, the transition has brought on some sorrow. I grieve what I have lost.
I am not unique. The man who has happily married might still yearn for the freedoms of the single life. The couple who has welcomed their first child may grieve the loss of their solitude, peace, and quiet. The fellow with the new job might enjoy new responsibilities, status, and income, but could still yearn for the co-workers and friends he left behind.
The Methodist system of itineracy in which I lived and served for 37 years provides many blessings to churches and pastors. But the pastoral transition occurs so swiftly that a congregation receives a new pastor the same day that the previous one departs. And that new pastor and their family has precious little time to mourn the loss of a community and congregation they may have come to love. We Methodists handle the process of pastoral change well. But it’s still hard.
Yes, change is good. Kay and I did the right thing. We are finding joy in this new part of the state, especially with our four grandchildren.
But major life transitions are still hard. As some who have gone before me have said, “The only people who like change are babies.”